Feel Better in the Mourning™ -- Give Grief a Voice

Photo by Bill Scala   Our hearts get broken in many ways, but in particular when someone dies. To mend those broken places we need to give grief a voice. Many approach grief using a touch-it-with-white-gloves stance. I don't think this is helpful. Mourning is rarely neat and tidy but by giving grief a voice, even if it's an angry or bitter or disappointed one, the chances of mending the heart back to well being are much greater.

Grievers seeking counseling are often encouraged to talk about how they are feeling. What you say does get said, but there is no permanent record or "snapshot". Tap what may be hidden creative juices residing inside in order to move yourself along with your grief.  Don't fall into the trap of expecting or hoping for the express train through this process. If you write those responses down, apply paint to a piece of paper or canvas, or do a collage, the "snapshot" captures a moment and makes it more concrete. Even if recording the raw details of your loss feels like swallowing a bitter pill, be assured that most pills do make us feel better. When we create our "snapshots," we may feel as though the particular upset or misery we are experiencing will be everlasting. Days, months or years later, you can look at what you have expressed, and realize that you've moved on, or feel better, or can manage to go an entire day without tears. If you think it would be disloyal to your loved one to ever move on in your grieving, honor that, but remember that all things change over time -- grief, too.

Click here for a sampling of Feel Better in the Mourning™ activities for grievers.

Click here for information on Feel Better in the Mourning™ workshops.


Martha Clark Scala, MFT • 721 Colorado Ave., Suite 201, Palo Alto, CA 94303 •